i left my heart in the pacific northwest

i’ve been sitting with this post for quite some time trying to decide how exactly i wanted to start this. it may be strange to begin with, but here it goes:

death isn’t easy to process and grief is so complex. it’s so demanding with its presence, you never know when the pain will lessen, and you ultimately have to surrender. throughout my life, each death has felt different, and each grieving process has helped me grow and has taught me something new. 

stay with me here because i swear this isn’t meant to be dark at all, and i’ll get there after you read more words and see some photos.

when i was in seattle wandering through all the neighborhoods, it hit me that nobody will experience this with me, nobody will know why i’m so fond of the pacific northwest, and i had taken all these pictures i didn’t know how to tie back to this chapter of my life. how the heck did i even get here? you know what i mean?

there’s parts of me i may want a reminder of and parts of me you won’t be able to experience, so i wanted to capture this - primarily for my kids for the days when they miss me, find themselves angry with me, or working through how to tell me something that they think i may not understand.

ever since starting my fertility treatment journey, i’ve wanted to capture these moments so they knew that i didn’t regret a moment, and that by the time they read these words they understand that i will always be here.

life is precious. fail often, fail hard, and live everyday by staying true to who you are. 

did you roll your eyes at me? i just did re-reading that while sipping this glass of rosé cava thinking, “wow, you’re that girl right now?” as i enjoy this so called girl dinner of a sad little meat and cheese board, which will likely end up hurting my stomach because i’m lactose-intolerant. we all have to live a little though.

i swear to share more about seattle soon, and if you’re my kid, i swear to answer your question of “who is this guy?” and no, this isn’t some story of how i met your father or something.

but hi, i’m mira.

i’m at jarrbar, the closest cocktail bar we could find while it poured. we ended up staying here for awhile and had one too many drinks before taking the ferry out across elliott bay to grab food at marination ma kai. i’m wanting to learn how to remake this drink called, “el cochino,” with vodka, piparras brine, and a chorizo wrapped piparra.